CATIP 06

CHAPTER :06

I slipped into the empty room next door and sat on a chair.

As I clutched my tight chest, repeatedly dry-heaving, the maid who had followed me inside made a huge fuss.

– “Your Grace. Could it be good news?”

– “Good news?”

– “You and His Grace are always on such good terms. Perhaps a baby is on the way.”

Only when the maid’s cheerful voice rang out did I finally understand the meaning of the looks people had been giving me.

An unexpected shock washed over me, freezing me completely.

The maid’s eyes, fixed on me, were brimming with anticipation.

A beat late, I muttered in a daze.

– “…No.”

I still remember the breath that caught in my throat at that moment.

Dizzying thoughts sent a tremor through my chest, and imaginations surged like a tidal wave, eating away at me.

Faced with something so terrifying and uncertain, my vision simply swam.

– “Pardon? What is wrong, Your Grace?”

– “Such a thing… Such a thing must not happen.”

Back then, I lacked confidence. Unstable and incomplete, I was simply terrified.

Terrified of raising a life, and of having to take responsibility for it.

Even now, walking this earth, I was a broken human being, an impure product. To think that I would raise and care for a human born from someone like me.

If there was any small consolation, it was that a child inheriting my blood—the blood of a bastard—would not inherit the same shackles as me.

So, now that time had passed, I often thought to myself.

*If only there had been a child between you and me, wouldn’t the path we are walking now be a little different?*

– “A baby…”

At my vacant whisper, the maid’s face fell.

Even to her, I must not have looked well.

– “Your Grace, do you not want a baby?”

– “…Me? A baby?”

Looking at the maid, I blinked my bewildered eyes.

With my mind gone completely blank and faded, there was only one thing I could say.

– “Why… would I ever want such a thing?”

The moment the words left my mouth, *thud*. A loud bang resonated from the firmly shut door.

The maid and I turned our heads at the same time.

The maid, who probably hadn’t known how to respond to my words anyway, jumped up from her seat.

– “The physician must be here. I’ll go check.”

The maid threw the door open. Looking out into the hallway, she tilted her head in confusion.

– “…Huh?”

Her voice rang out, laced with bewilderment.

– “There is no one here…”

– “Is Her Grace inside?”

Just then, the physician rushed in, out of breath. The maid quickly guided him to me.

After expertly examining my condition, the physician let out a quiet sigh.

– “It seems you have been in the cold for too long today.”

– “Oh dear. So she is not with child?”

– “Regrettably, no.”

The physician’s response to the maid, who spoke with deep disappointment, was cold.

He then offered me a piece of advice.

– “Your Grace, the climates of the Kingdom and the Grand Duchy are vastly different. While the Kingdom is relatively mild, the Grand Duchy is cold and harsh. You must keep yourself warm to ease your discomfort.”

It was true that the Grand Duchy was cold, and the temple, which saw few visitors, was especially freezing.

I, who spent my days shut away in that perpetually chilly temple, barely managed a nod.

Right after the physician left, we stood up to return to the banquet hall.

In the dimly lit corridor, there he was. He was leaning crookedly against the wall.

– “Your Grace.”

The maid quickly gathered her skirts and curtsied.

– “Her Grace is…”

– “Let’s go.”

Cutting off the maid’s excuse-like explanation mid-sentence, he grabbed my arm.

His tone was as polite as ever, yet strangely cold.

A pitch-black shadow stretched long beside him. Looking up at him as if under a spell, my lips began to tremble.

– “Pardon?”

– “We should let those who actually enjoy banquets spend the rest of their time there.”

He curled his neat lips into a smile.

It was a smile that carried a strange, icy chill.

– “We, however, must fulfill our duties as the Grand Duke and Grand Duchess.”

With that, he began to drag me away.

Leaving the corridor behind, we stepped outside the palace. The winter wind whipped through my hair.

Only moments ago, even while standing in the midst of this sad, freezing winter, the spot where I stood close to him had felt warm.

But now, the winter wind—the climate of this Grand Duchy that even the physician warned was cold—was not nearly as freezing as his voice.

– “Everyone seems to be curious.”

– “…Pardon? About what?”

– “Whether or not the Grand Duchess is pregnant.”

The bone-chilling wind brushed past my cheeks.

A bizarre sense of dread began to eat away at me once more.

Should I have asked him then? *Do you really want a child with someone like me?*

But my mind, trapped in a single train of thought, was terribly short-sighted.

– “I am not.”

– “You are not.”

His slow, quiet questioning sent a shiver down my spine. It chilled me to the bone.

It was strange.

How could someone who, just moments ago, had given me such a warm flutter of excitement, now feel colder than the snow covering my feet?

– “Strange. It has already been several months since I began sharing a bed with the Grand Duchess.”

– “…”

– “I am beginning to wonder.”

Still dragging me along, he glanced back slightly.

For a brief second, I thought I saw a savage glint flash in his crimson eyes.

– “If perhaps you rid yourself of it on purpose.”

My breath caught instantly, my lips parting but unable to form words.

– “I have heard that those of the demi-monde pass down various methods. For instance, how to get rid of a child when they are impregnated by an unwanted man.”

– “How could… there be such a thing?”

– “To sell flowers in the royal palace without even that level of skill would be absurd. After all, you cannot afford to wither after blooming for only a single season.”

It was the natural contempt shown toward the demi-monde.

And as the daughter of that very demi-monde, I had no choice but to absorb those words, all too accustomed to them.

– “That is not within my realm of knowledge.”

– “Is that so?”

After that, he did not utter another word.

He simply pulled me toward the bedchamber.

My body, chilled to the bone by the winter air, finally touched the bed.

– “Of course, it is not as if there are no other possibilities. Since we cannot know whether the problem lies with me, or with you.”

Over my body, his weight—which had already become familiar—descended.

Though I didn’t know the reason, every word he spat out sounded laced with anger.

– “But whatever the case may be,”

A firm hand gripped my shoulder tightly.

– “The Grand Duchess must fulfill her duty.”

It might be a distorted memory. It might have been nothing more than my own delusion.

But after that night, a strange distance began to form between us.

As if the warmth I had felt in the temple, that small intimacy, and the bond we had begun to share were all a lie.

* * *

On the surface, our relationship remained largely unchanged.

For he was still the Grand Duke, and I was still the Grand Duchess.

By day, he looked after the Grand Duchy, and I listened to the whispers of God directed toward the world.

By night, he came to find me, and I had no right to refuse his visits.

Our weights overlapped meaninglessly. Time simply slipped away.

Having filled his desire while lingering inside me, he would coldly rise and turn away. Then, he would simply head back to his own palace.

The man who used to hold my bare shoulder and share small, end-of-the-day stories with me was no longer there.

In a way, it was a very minor change.

But I was not the only one who found his subtle shift in behavior strange.

– “Your Grace, Your Grace.”

In the evening, the maid tidying up the bedchamber spoke to me tentatively.

– “Yes?”

– “Lately, His Grace has been acting a bit strange.”

When I stared at her blankly, the maid’s face paled as she murmured.

– “Am I overstepping my bounds?”

– “…No.”

For no reason, I stared down at the neatly smoothed bedsheets.

Even on the nights when those sheets—carefully ironed by the maid—were crumpled into a mess, there seemed to be no hesitation, no disruption in his heart.

– “Did it seem that way to you as well?”

– “Yes, and well…”

Watching my reaction, the maid lowered her voice.

– “They say the same is happening at court lately. Apparently, His Grace is extremely on edge, to the point where my husband even asked me if something had happened between you and him…”

The maid’s voice trailed off.

I was the one who wanted to know the reason. Why he suddenly seemed like a completely different person.

Having never spent much time socializing with others, I did not even know how to begin explaining this.

The maid cautiously offered a suggestion.

– “How about offering His Grace a glass of wine first, Your Grace?”

– “Pardon?”

– “Just to ask him to rest for a moment, while asking him how his day went.”

At her words, I blinked blankly.

It struck me anew that, until now, he had always been the one to initiate conversation.

I was merely the one who listened and responded.

– “He will like it. We happen to have just received some excellent wine.”

The maid proudly held up a bottle of red wine.

Staring at the glistening crimson liquor, a useless thought crossed my mind.

He had already used my mother’s status against me once before. If I were to offer him wine, would he accuse me of behaving vulgarly, in a way that perfectly suited my bloodline?