CATIP 05

CHAPTER 05

I knew that a noble marriage could not be valid without witnesses. Since it was not the world I had lived in, it was merely a piece of knowledge I held.

Those who carried the royal bloodline of the Grand Duchy must have been present to attest to this marriage.

Beyond the translucent curtains, I could feel the gazes of those watching our union.

The sound of whispering behind elegant, ornate fans covering their mouths. The rustling of fabric as legs crossed and shifted.

Gazes fixed upon the shadows that would cast against the sheer drapes. The vivid imaginations conjuring in their minds.

I couldn’t shake the feeling of being like a caged beast. Even for me, who had been nothing more than a spectacle in the West Palace, it was a deeply unsettling ordeal.

Every sensation assaulted me, sending shivers down my spine.

My whole body was on edge.

It seemed the same was true for you.

The moment your somewhat stiff hand slipped beneath the folds of my dress.

As though your attention was entirely focused outside the curtains, there was no warmth in the gaze you cast upon me.

Your hands were cold as they parted my legs and slid up my thighs.

As if merely performing a duty, declaring to the Almighty God that I had become your possession.

You entered a place I had completely forgotten even existed.

The sheer presence filling and pushing into me was agonizing.

Something large, hot, and hard—it brought nothing but pain.

As I writhed under the overwhelming strain, a heavy weight pressed me down.

Unlike the stifling heat of his body holding me, his gaze, which seemed to break me, was infinitely cold.

You let out low, ragged breaths.

I had to endure that unfamiliar ordeal with my lips sealed, my eyes shut, and my ears blocked.

And just like that, you and I became husband and wife.

You, who were as cold as winter, unexpectedly came to find me every night.

On nights when even the moon paled and waned.

Shrouded in darkness, he joined his body with mine, just as he had on our wedding night.

The only difference was that there were no eyes watching us.

And so, your demands were a little more assertive.

“Lift your hips.”

His firm chest pressed down against my back.

Having issued the brief command, he grabbed my chin and tilted my head toward him.

“Give me your tongue.”

Having buried himself inside me, he kissed me.

Panting, I let myself be led as he taught me.

You seeped into every corner of my being.

When he intertwined himself with me, he was so passionate and warm that it felt as if I were being born anew.

Though I had always thought of you as cold and distant…

Looking back on it piece by piece, it seemed you hadn’t been cold to me from the very start.

I couldn’t say we had no good memories.

Even if the path that bound us was freezing, our relationship in the early days of our marriage could not have been called bad.

But when did it begin?

The exact moment when a crack split open that not-so-bad, yet precarious relationship.

It must have been on one of those days when our intimacy—once merely overwhelming and painful—was slowly transforming into a subtle ecstasy.

As I was fulfilling my duty before God without fail, I suddenly sensed someone’s presence. Startled, my shoulders flinched, and I think you traced a soft smile as you looked at me.

Because you looked exceptionally beautiful then, I couldn’t even offer a greeting. I just stared at you, frozen like someone cast out into the pale winter.

You were the first to speak to me.

“Did you not even realize someone was here?”

“When… when did you arrive?”

“I wonder. I believe I’ve heard about three pieces.”

At his casual response, I suddenly realized the world had grown dark.

The deepening winter was burying everything in the world beneath silence and stillness.

And the most still among them was you.

As I gazed at the hushed world, my heart wavered strangely.

“Every time I look at you, my Duchess… it leaves me with a very strange feeling.”

Because I, too, was having such thoughts, my shoulders shuddered.

In that freezing space, you arrogantly crossed your legs and raised your chin.

Even in your silhouette shrouded in darkness, the aura of a ruler was unmistakable.

“They call it the highest praise offered to God.”

“…”

“I can understand why they say that. What blooms from your fingertips is beautiful enough to make me believe it.”

What would have been the right way to answer?

“Or is it you who is beautiful?”

Murmuring one more line, you rose from your seat.

Soon, he drew close to my side. Human warmth entered the space that had been filled with winter.

Planting a light kiss on my lips, he reached his hand over my shoulder.

Your hand moved gracefully. Your firm fingertips pressed down on a piano key.

*Plonk.* The sound he made was closer to noise.

A single note, echoing hollowly and without any meaning.

“I wonder how you create it,” he muttered in wonder.

“I wonder if the world you see is as beautiful as the one you create.”

“…It is simply visible to me.”

That was the only answer I could give to all his words.

For I could not explain my own ability, even to myself.

Without even thinking, the next measure would come to mind.

Without even trying to recall it, the next motif would play.

Without practice, the music simply became mine.

He wrapped his arms around me from behind.

I felt the solid weight of his arms over my shoulders. His deep breath warmed my cold, frozen ear.

“Like breathing, it is natural. If you ask me to explain it, I cannot give you any answer. Just as one cannot explain the reason they breathe.”

“Humans breathe to live.”

“…I trust you aren’t being serious.”

“I was serious in my own way, but it seems it sounded like a joke.”

Soon, my hand and his hand overlapped. A large hand held my fingers tightly.

Unlike me, who had chilled in the cold room, his warmth was incredibly cozy.

“In this world, if you start looking for reasons, there is nothing you cannot find a reason for. Even the reason we breathe right now.”

“Even so, for me… it is something I cannot explain.”

“Is that so?”

Offering no further counterargument, he lifted me into his arms.

Taken by surprise as I was swept up in his arms, I squirmed slightly.

“…Your Highness?”

“Shall we head back? I brought back a wild boar.”

“Did you go on a winter hunt?”

At my obvious question, his straight brows furrowed.

He seemed to harbor a subtle discontent.

“I believe we made quite a fuss preparing and setting off since this morning. It seems you have less interest in me than I thought, my Duchess.”

“Ah… I am sorry. I was simply distracted.”

Though he said they had prepared noisily before departing, the news had never actually reached me.

Although we were officially married, my position in the Grand Duchy was not much different from my standing in the Kingdom.

While I was known to the world as the ‘Seer,’ my birth also dogged me like a persistent label.

Being a bastard was a lifelong shackle.

Looking back through history, no one—not even the one feared by the entire world under the name of the Conqueror King—could ever escape the pointing fingers leveled at a bastard.

Looking down at me, he blinked once.

“No. Come to think of it, it makes sense that you wouldn’t know.”

“Pardon?”

“I was told you only woke around noon. It is I who had completely forgotten.”

His words made me feel like a lazy person, washing me in endless embarrassment.

Though not as much as the words that followed.

“After all, I am the reason you overslept.”

“…”

“I suppose I should just be glad that you are asking about me with interest now.”

I had only stared at you in silence.

I must have blushed crimson from head to toe.

In those days, I might have felt a subtle bond with you.

Because the distance between us, which was slowly narrowing, felt both bittersweet and sorrowful—something I had never possessed before.

A fluttering that blossomed in my chest.

This small, pleasant tremor, which could be wrapped in the word ‘flutter,’ was something I dared not cherish and nurture into a greater joy.

I couldn’t draw closer for fear it would slip from my hands and shatter, yet I couldn’t settle for reality either, dreading it would break into pieces anyway.

Looking back, I think I was simply terrified of what would never come.

It was the portrait of my younger self, endlessly cowardly.

“Let’s go.”

The man who had gifted me all those feelings took slow, steady steps forward.

On days when he returned from a hunt, there was always a banquet, as was custom.

Unlike in the Kingdom, my presence was mandatory here in the Grand Duchy, but it was still something I was far from used to.

I sat in my place, listening to the laughter of the crowd, but I could no longer suppress the nausea rising inside me.

Covering my mouth, I rushed outside right before the eyes of countless onlookers.

Everyone gathered there stopped laughing, their eyes fixed intently on my sudden departure.

Wondering if, perhaps, I was pregnant.