CATIP 10

CHAPTER :10

At that question, I froze, turning pale as I looked up at him.

Divorce.

Only then did I realize that my words could be interpreted in such a way.

But something even worse lay in store for me. No matter what happened, my time in this world would eventually end in parting.

I was the one who would leave, and he was the one who would be left behind.

– I will pretend I didn’t hear that.

He flatly rejected my request.

What he added next, with an absurd look on his face, was even worse.

– Such a thing can never happen.

– …….

– Once you have come to me, you belong entirely to me. If I had even the slightest intention of letting you go, I wouldn’t have proposed marriage in the first place.

Looking at his cold face, I murmured softly.

– ……I am not someone who needs Your Highness’s permission.

– The Duchess is speaking nonsense.

– Nonsense? I am a ‘Seer.’ The only one I must seek permission from is God.

At my defensive murmur, a crooked smirk curled his lips.

It was an expression I had never seen on him before, and it felt like a physical blow.

– Before you are a follower of God, you are my wife. Do not dare cross the line.

The line. That damn line.

The boundary he had drawn between us, whether consciously or not.

Although he had shown me this boundary countless times through his actions, this was the first time he had spoken of it so bluntly.

– Then will Your Highness grant my wish?

– Your wish?

He scoffed, letting out a dry laugh as if the very idea was absurd.

– So, you actually want something.

Did he think I was incapable of wanting things?

I repeated the question silently to myself, casting my eyes down in sorrow.

– And if you return to the Kingdom, is there anyone there who would grant your wish?

– …….

At any other time. Ordinarily.

I would have said, *No, there isn’t.*

I would have quietly accepted and resigned myself to my reality.

It was an undeniable truth.

There was absolutely no reason to feel hurt by it now, to ruminate on my reality, or to dwell on the ruined relationship between me and the man who was my father.

Yet right now, his casual question felt like a dagger to my chest.

– Would His Majesty the King ever grant your wishes?

Though I couldn’t bring myself to answer, he drove the wedge deeper.

It felt as if a nail were being driven into my heart, and for a fleeting moment, I looked up at him with tears welling in my eyes.

I barely managed to choke back my tears.

No matter what I wanted—even if I were to tell him that I would die tomorrow—

I knew better than anyone that the father who sired me wouldn’t even bat an eye.

For he had never once considered me his child.

*That was cruel of you. Did you really have to say it like that? It hurts…*

– It doesn’t…… have to be His Majesty who fulfills my wish.

*I already know that all too well without you reminding me. You didn’t have to tear open my heart like this. It hurts.*

– I understand…… exactly what you mean, Your Highness.

*It hurts.*

– Of course, you are right. His Majesty never wanted me.

*It hurts so much…*

– He wouldn’t want me returning to the kingdom now, either. Even if I went back, I would still be nothing but an unwanted nuisance.

The words knotting in my chest did not make it past my lips.

Had it been before I was so thoroughly broken, this ‘truth’ wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest.

– Even so, I never felt wanting during my time in the Kingdom. The temple belonged to me. If I desired something, the temple would never have dared to ignore my wishes.

– Are you suggesting that you lack something here?

His dark, heavy gaze grew exceedingly menacing.

A cold, mocking laugh escaped his lips.

– Let me ask you this. What exactly has been lacking for you here?

He was demanding to know what he had failed to provide.

His words were sharp and biting as he continued sarcastically.

– Ah, of course. How difficult it must have been for the noble princess of the Kingdom to seek refuge in a mere duchy. I suppose I failed to consider that.

– Please do not twist my words, Your Highness. I never said anything of the sort.

I had to flatly deny it.

I couldn’t deny that my life, both in the kingdom and the duchy, had always been one of material abundance.

From the moment I became princess, I had indeed received everything I could ever ask for.

And yet.

– The lack you speak of, Your Highness, and the lack I am referring to mean entirely different things.

– Then I must ask you the same question. What on earth is it that you lack?

His words were the same as before, but this time, the question left me breathless, as if suffocating.

Broken as I was, what was it that I was so deprived of that made me view this world in monochrome?

I, too, wanted to know the answer.

Looking back, what I always lacked was affection.

A feeling that defied explanation.

For a long moment, I simply stared at him.

Believing that I was avoiding the conversation, he let out a heavy, weary sigh before asking once more.

– What is it that you want?

The answer to his question was clear.

Life. To live.

It was a strange thing.

A philosopher once defined humans as travelers embarking on a journey toward death.

According to that definition, my brief journey was merely coming to an end.

I had never once thought I harbored any attachment to this life, yet now, I found myself unable to accept that simple definition.

Finally, I parted my lips.

– What Your Highness……

In hindsight, perhaps there was nothing to fear or dread.

My painful life would simply end with me cradled in the benevolent embrace of God, enveloped in peace.

I would be returning to my mother’s side—the only time in my life I could ever truly call happy.

– ……can never grant me.

Yet, I still wanted to cling to this barren life just a little longer.

There was an undeniable desire within me, one that even I could not comprehend.

Even so, I simply wanted to live.

– Hearing you say that only makes it more impossible.

His stance was far firmer than mine.

– I will never permit it, so do not ever speak of such things again.

– Your Highness.

– Must I speak to His Majesty to have you banished?

It was a brazen threat.

Banishing me—one of only three people in a generation who knew the language of God—meant making an enemy of the temple.

While my standing was precarious, I still held a certain level of status.

Even for the King, it was not a request to be easily granted, yet there was a clear reason why he could utter such threats so confidently.

And that reason only served to further agitate my already troubled mind.

It felt as though something I had barely been holding together had finally snapped.

Ultimately, sarcasm slipped past my lips as well.

– Must be nice for you, Your Highness.

– What do you mean by that?

– Even though I am his own flesh and blood, bastard though I may be, I cannot even hope to send him a message. Yet you, Your Highness, can gain His Majesty’s consent with a single word.

I clenched my fists tightly.

Memories of how the King had treated me flooded back.

Contempt, jealousy, scorn, and cold indifference.

There was not a single warm memory to be found.

In contrast, I remembered how the King treated him.

The warmth, expectations, and affection that had never been granted to me.

I had thought it didn’t bother me, but looking back, every bit of it had left a scar.

I had only refused to call them scars because doing so kept the pain at bay.

– It is almost as if you are His Majesty’s flesh and blood, Your Highness. Not me.

– …….

He looked down at me with an unreadable expression after I forced those words out.

A heavy silence fell over us.

From within the deep, dark shadows, he spat out his next words.

– Do you…… Do you truly say that because you do not know?

– Pardon? What do you mean?

– Right. How could you possibly know?

– Your Highness?

I could only call out to him blankly.

Since no one had ever bothered to tell me anything, there was truly nothing for me to know.

– In human relationships, there is always a give and take. A giver always expects something in return, and the relationship between His Majesty and me is no different.

Hearing those words, I couldn’t help but feel how cold and transactional their relationship was.

But that thought was short-lived.

– His Majesty neatly packaged his own blemish and nuisance, then dumped them onto me. Out of sheer embarrassment, it is only natural that he cannot ignore my words.

The King’s blemish and nuisance.

There was only one thing those words could refer to.

I blinked blankly.

In that split second, I couldn’t even process the torrent of words as a cruel insult.

– ……Yes.

My fingernails dug deep into my palms.

Something warm and wet trickled down my fingers, dampening the bedsheets.

– I imagine it must have been a great ordeal for you to handle His Majesty’s blemish all this time, Your Highness. Allow me to offer you my gratitude on His Majesty’s behalf.